Being in the trenches of affliction is no easy feat. It’s terrifying.. and not one person handles it the same. I do believe this, though. You either completely break beneath the weight, or you wholeheartedly accept the fight and soldier-up.
If you choose the latter, you’re in for the ride of a lifetime. Even as a fighter though, it often feels as if your only strategy is nothing more than unorganized methods and tactics to survive. There’s no calculated battle plan. There’s no earthly reinforcements you can radio in. It’s you, your wavering mind, and raw grit up against the blows of the enemy. I’m talking about the relentless, and consistent effort to try and keep your head above the water. This water, it’s nothing tangible – but it’s very real. It’s this sort of “abstract reality.” The water, is a dark, deep sea of mental warfare. It’s this where your perception of what’s happening, takes on the form of an elusive Goliath that, definitely doesn’t feel like it can be taken down with a rock. Heck, some days it feels as if it wouldn’t matter if you had a Bazooka– that enormous enemy is ostensibly indestructible. Even rock solid faith can meet it’s match when it’s met with a whirlwind of “what ifs” and the “I cant’s.”
Aside from the physical burden of carrying the ailment, it’s also the burying of what we embodied before the feebleness took hold. Again, that looks different for everyone. But, personally – I think it’s pretty hard to permanently set down dreams, careers, and hobbies – and it’s all in the name of inability. It derails you.
When you consider your day to day schedule, imagine if you will, sudden ineptitude. Maybe in a portion of it, or maybe all of it.
It’s frustrating when you are inconvenienced by something trivial, and all of a sudden can’t do what you do multiple times a day, right? You cut yourself with a kitchen knife, and now hot water burns, you can’t wash your hair without pain, or zip up your jeans without bumping it. It smarts, and its annoying. You sprained your wrist, or maybe broke a bone – now mobility is extremely limited for weeks, if not months, and you’re trying to figure out how you’re gonna proceed with your day-to-day tasks with (whatever) uncomfortable, inconvenience.
Okay. Now imagine your entire life being rearranged due to an ailment that is permanent. There is no: “Well, in a few days, or few weeks time, I’ll be back to the old me.” It then becomes: “How .. Where do I go from here?”
Talk about a shift in your identity. Everything is now flipped upside down, and you’re needing to reinvent yourself, somehow. You’re needing to do a forever overhaul on your mind, and emotional state, forever… somehow.
It’s a reality that can shake you to your core and shatter you if you’re not careful to guard your mind. The constant effort to keep oneself from falling into the abyss of hopelessness, often becomes the goal of every single day you open your eyes.
The Real Mind-Bending Blow
However you previously felt validation, success, or accomplishments prior to the emergence of infirmity – rings hollow now. Career advancements, euphoria in breaking records in sports. Achievements look different. Promotions are out of the question. Exuberance and agility become a thing of the past. Memories of effortlessness, and physical resiliency become .. nostalgia.
I think the thing that no one really talks about is the overwhelming unimportance you feel once the frailness takes over. Surviving, doesn’t really feel like much of an accomplishment. Surviving is the bare minimum, and it doesn’t yield confidence. I think I speak for masses who battle affliction when I say, we desire purpose. We don’t want to be celebrated for simply surviving, or for putting on a smile to elevate those around us. We crave ambition. We desperately want to feel like our existence still matters, and is worth the fight. Because it IS. It’s the fight of our lives. A lot of days, it’s all we can do to plow forward, despite the ankle weights of internal discouragement.
If you’re at your breaking point, exhausted and beaten down.. it’s time to call in the Heavenly Reinforcements.
“Blessed be the Lord my Rock, Who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle. Psalm 144:1
Fill your mind with God’s promises and affirmation. Grab every weapon from your arsenal, and annihilate.
But you are stronger, because He is Stronger. And don’t you ever forget it.
If you are in the fight of your life… I see you. I believe in you.. and I’m proud of you. You are important, and have worth in the Kingdom or you wouldn’t be in this fight. Read that again if you need to. Gather up every pathetic ounce of ammunition Satan has hurled at you – put it all in one heaping pile, and blow it up with a stick of dynamite. Better yet, call me, and we’ll combat together.
6 comments on “We Are Stronger With Him”
Your fight is very real and I pray that you keep the faith and fighting the fight. Your words, the battle, are very eye opening and truly amazing. Only a beautiful person, inside and out, can be so inspirational and truthful while fighting this battle. May God bless you on your journey- each and every step.
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💛💛 Honored by your words… thank you..
Leslie my dear sweet niece I am so proud of you in your strong faith no matter how hard each day is for you and the non stop pain that you endure each and every day of your life. My continual prayer every day is for God’s healing touch and I will never stop. I love you so much and wish I could be there with you. You are a true Warrior of God and your faith is stronger and deeper than most
You are the best
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Honored by your words, Aunt Judy.. I love you so much.. 💗 Miss you.
Your are truly a Blessing!! We love you!!
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💛💛 I love YOU guys!!